Life of Lies: HOMESTUCK LIES (discontinued)
by XP-SM1L3Z-X3
Summary: Niki Landon is 13 years old. All her life, everyone around her has been telling her about her baby pictures, toddler memoirs,etc. Little does she know, all of them are liars. When she enters the magical realm of high school with her previous life, she will uncover all the lies of the past and discover who she really is. These are no ordinary lies. They are HOMESTUCK LIES.
1. Chapter 1: Checkered Start

weelllll,,,... this is my first fanfiction. i hope you guys like it, whoever you are. oh, and this is an AU for all who don't comprehend.

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck. I wish I did, but I do not.

-awesomelyMusicfyed [aM] started pestering secretlyGnostic [sG] at [07:45 AM]-

[aM] hey jazzy!  
[sG ] uggh...hey...  
[aM] girl, r u ok?  
[sG ] yes...im fine... just really tired...  
[aM] you only woke up now?! we need to get going!  
[sG ] huh?  
[aM] you know... school?  
[sG ] OH MY GOSH! ill be there right away  
[aM] well... hurry up.. we will swing by to pick u up  
[sG ] okay :)...ooops...

-secretlyGnostic [sG] lost connection-

[aM] ok i get the message! im comin

- awesomelyMusicfyed [aM] ceased pestering secretlyGnostic [sG] at [07:54 AM]-  
- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering awesomelyMusicfyed [aM]-

You are now READER and you have just started reading a fanfiction about stuff. Not just any stuff. HOMESTUCK stuff. You had doubts about this fanfic, but you clicked on the pathetic title anyway. You will probably review this and favorite this right after you finish reading this chapter. But for now you are just reading it.  
You have just read a PRIVATE CONVERSATION between two schoolgirls. You will now FACEPALM YOURSELF because you have just now realized that reading other people's PRIVATE MESSAGES is DEEPLY FROWNED UPON. In spite of this, you continue to read this fanfiction. As a result, you will again FACEPALM YOURSELF after you finish reading this chapter, you will realize that you have been stalking multiple schoolgirls at a random highschool. You will now FACEPALM YOURSELF because you like to FACEPALM YOURSELF for no apparent reason. No reason at all. And maybe because the words FACEPALM YOURSELF in capital letters compel you to FACEPALM YOURSELF. But it probably didn't work this time.

Jazzy's PoV

_Oh my gosh, I need to get going,_ I thought as I facepalmed myself awake. I had totally forgotten that today was Monday and setting the alarm yesterday totally slipped my mind. If it wasn't for Niki, one of my best friends- the one that just pestered me, I would have been late for my first day at Pro-Sites High! I heard its a pretty cool place to be. But not as cool as Dave..er...Daniel. Anyway, this year is gonna be so much fun! Especially because all of my best squiddles are coming too! Niki, Rebaa, Xavier, Jared, and even Daniel! Oh, I am so, so, so excited! _Stop...I need to think...I need to pick out an outfit!_ I was torn between a cute blue ruffled shirt with black skinny jeans or a pretty green blouse with white slacks. I was running out of time so I compromised- I wore the green blouse with the black skinny jeans. _Yay!_ I grabbed my messenger bag, slipped on my checkered sneakers, put toast in my mouth, and ran out the door. _Wow! Just like the animes!  
_Daniel and Niki were waiting outside when I noticed something was missing. "Howlfd disfss," I said, shoving my bag into Daniel's chest with the toast still in my mouth. I ran up the stairs and slid back down in five seconds flat. When I came out I had my almost-forgotten-black-and-white-glasses and had two pieces of toast in each hand.  
"Hi Jazz!" called out Jared. _Oh so that's what those were._ I had originally thought that those blue and purple figures were just over-sized parrots, but they were just Jared and Rebaa.  
"Anyone for toast?" I inquired as everyone's gaze shifted hungrily to the toast.  
"Definitely!" screamed Niki as she literally pounced on the toast as if she hadn't eaten for days.  
" We have to be punctual if we are to make a pleasant impression of ourselves at our new academy," said Rebaa, who was secretly craving for toast.  
" Then let's go and make shit serious," decreed Daniel while shoving a piece of golden toast into his cool-kid poker face.

You are now READER again. You frown as you realize that you did not get to stalk schoolgirls, but had followed a group of kids arriving at this Jazzy's house to eat toast. You FACEPALM YOURSELF for being so perverted. You also wonder, "HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT RELATED TO HOMESTUCK!?" The author responds with a cool, mature sounding, " SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP READING THIS CRAP TO FIND OUT EXACTLY HOW THIS SHIT IS RELATED TO HOMESTU- I mean, Be patient and wait for the upcoming chapters. If you don't mind, please stop flipping your shit. Thank you."  
You hate how this author screws with your mind. You hate how the author tries to be Hussie. But the author now says to you that he/she can not be Hussie no matter how hard he/she tries because Hussie is too awesome and cannot be imitated by the likes of his/herself. You think that you have prevailed over this Hussie-wanna-be, but something draws you to press the review button...  
::::)


	2. Chapter 2: Before the Beginning

...But before you review, you look at the second chapter. Lo and behold, this chapter is not related to the story whatsoever. In fact, this story doesn't even exist. So...um... This is now an awkward moment. Especially for me. ... Excuse me for a moment.

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I cnat bleive how sutpid I am... Witrnig a sorty-pffht-I cnat do it. Too mcuh wrok for me to hdlnae. But as an athour, I msut do it. For my slef cnofdicenie. For the pecies of siht who are atuallcy radenig this. FOR MY COOKIE AND MY SQUIDDLE AND MY SCALEMATE WHO IS CURRENTLY BEING CHARGED FOR SQUIDDLE-SLAUGHTER. FOR HUSSIE...S UPDATE.(RANT RANT RANT)

I have returned- and... I PULLED A PRANK ON YOU! Ha ha ha ha ha. I bet you didn't see it coming. This story does INDEED EXIST. I was just pulling your leg/stroking it.

Hey, just because I don't have a plot or anything, which by the way I totally do, DOESN'T mean I don't have a story! And...I can't believe I'm saying this...But I...I...I need... I need your help. Yes, you. Yes, you you useless lowblooded scum sitting/standing/laying there with your computer/phone/tablet/iTouch/any other electronic I have not mentioned. Note that I did not "fail to mention". I never fail. I am PERFECT. In fact, I am soooooooo perfectly nice that I'll give you an OC form!

(EXAMPLE:[This is an actual OC submitted by Greensk8ergurl])

Name/Gender/Age: Sierra Surge/Female/14

Eye Description: Lime green (remember to include contacts or glasses)

Hair Description: Heavy left bangs; Right side ponytail; Long, messy, light brown hair

3 Hobbies: Hurting people with sports equipment; Playing sports; Homestuck

3 Dislikes: Queen Bees; Wannabees; Playboys

3 Likes: Sports; Laptop; True people

Overall Personality: Weird, violent, and tomboyish(GIVE ME ONLY THREE WORDS)

Other: (give me any other important information about their appearance, and if I REALLY like your character, I'll ask for more information)

Oh yeah. So nice. But now you are all like, "HAHA. He/She has to resort to the audience to make characters 'cuz he/she can't think of anything!" Yes. Sadly, it is true.

NOT.

On the contrary, I am using you to do the work for me!... Fine...I am in need of your assistance... Also, remember ALL opinions are welcome and my arms are wide open for any ideas that any of you dumbasses have in that piece of shit you call your brain. Now I dismiss you from my audience. FACEPALM YOURSELF and review/PM/spam!

yeah, im wondering if I should actually do this. im gonna post like 2 more chapters and if i decide that if i should continue this, i will

bye!


	3. Chapter 3- Short Stories

"After the heroes of time and space and breath and light and mind and blood and void and heart and rage and life and hope and doom joined up as a malicious kick-ass team, not even the Power Rangers can compare to, they destroyed the Great Motherfucker, Lord English- the Lord of Time. After they beat up the billardball freak, one of the heroes, a space hero to be exact, stalking the Theif of Light- probably wanting to get in her pajama pants. As soon as the Waste of Space dropped to one knee...

...Another Scratch was opened.

"This Scratch was no ordinary 'Scratch'- it was much, MUCH worse. No stupid douche like Doc Scratch could fix this shit. You see, usually a Scratch would just restart the game into another session. But again, this isn't a Scratch. It was a crack. A crack. In the disk that held all of thier fates- all of thier lives. This is the last time any of them would of died and-"

"...snore..."

" FORGET THIS- YOU AREN'T EVEN LISTENING!" complained poor Daniel.


End file.
